I got stuff up for auction
Like a 1982 picture of Harrison Ford
On the set of Splash
And an 1880 s penny that has been inside my ass
I got my video games up for sale
And all my marionettes too
Cuz you know how much they run for nowadays?
I don t, but I will soon

Cuz everyone on eBay is so fucking dumb
They will buy anything, and I could be a bum
I ll make millions selling things I ll never use
Or never need
I love society
Especially when they re one step behind me

I got my virginity for sale
Who wants to buy it?
I got my fucking brains in a jar
Are you excited?
For one low price tonight
You could own it all
I got my chest hair in a box
I got souvenir fake plastic cocks
And a studded assortment of cock rings
They re my favorite things
But I m willing to sell them to you
So you can have the same memories I do
And you will cherish them
And when you have grandkids out your ass
You can share with them
The stories of when you were a kid
And all the fucking stupid stuff you did
Including the time you sold their Uncle John
To a sweatshop in Taiwan
But it s okay
Cuz it was eBay